Tally ho! Long time no see my brothers - hope you all have a lovely Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Ashura or Holidays or New Years or vauge sense of irritation because all the shops are closed and you're hungry. Thank you all for such a wonderful year ♥

And a special thank-you to herecomeskrys, seventh_fantasy, sglitzys, neoklaus, and chocomintee for the virtual snow cookies!

I may whip up a Christmas-y layout in the next day or so. I have a couple of other layouts either done (such as my personal one and the one at milou_en_avril) or sort of in the works, which may gradually be posted, but quite frankly I simply do not have the time to make layouts anymore. So I'm sad to say we're in the dying days of milou_veronica here. But that's the nature of this kind of hobby and there are loads of awesome layout makers out there, so it's all fine really.

So. Um. This is all suddenly rather depressing, isn't it. Sorry. Merry Christmas...?

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layout:last night's love affair is looking vulnerable style: flexible squares accounts: Basic, Paid, and Sponsored features:custom comment pages, mini icons, topbar/sidebar browsers: FF definitely, everything else I don't give a toss. Rounded corners in FF only

( your songs remind me of swimming )

A friend of mine got laid off today, due to downsizing. It sucks, especially at this time of year.

What I need from you all is any possible job leads in the NorCal/Bay Area, or remote work. My friend has 3 years experience in account management/client services for a cdn/IP/colo company (but she is open to just about anything right now).

If you have anything, or know of anyone who has anything, please let me know.

Hot skin smells like shisha and summer as I'm caught in this nocturnal eastern haze. Little lightning flashes fill every meniscus with red hair and a voice like captured laughter and lightning bugs. All of a sudden I'm thinking of driving to Lake Mary. I look up, only to find I've missed the best part of yet another conversation. I look around at this group of people, and they're so much better than I am at feeling content.

Even as I'm being denounced by yet another slow and swirling soul, my preternatural sense of direction is pushing me toward the door. Where have I been tonight? My heart's some kind of unnamed sonnet and my teeth feel like lonely wanderers behind my lips. I tell myself I'm sleeping at home tonight. Maybe. Cause I'm not about to pretend my feet aren't the compass to your magnetic north.

I've always questioned my morals in regards to sex. I sway back and forth a lot when I think about what is and isn't acceptable to me. I'm very accepting of most types of sexual relationships. But, I feel like a lot of things I've done in my life were wrong, but at the same time I enjoyed it so why should they be wrong?

Sex and sexual activities are Those Things that society warns us about. I was raised (mostly) to believe that sex was something I needed to be careful about, and that Society would frown upon me if I was promiscuous and did things that a Proper Lady should not do. When I was younger, I went to church, and did the solemn pledge not to have sex before I was married. Yeah, okay. That turned out really well, because here I am with a baby and single (not that that was the first or last time I had sex, either). I'm fairly certain that I did that because I felt it was the right thing to say at the time, that I wouldn't have sex until I was married. When I became a teenager sex and sexual things interested me and looking back, I feel like I knew from the beginning that I was going to break that promise.

I began my sexual adventures at age 15. I didn't actually have intercourse until age 16, but I did a multitude of other things that I'm sure you can think of. I would say throughout most of my teenage life, my parents probably knew what I was doing but never really discussed it with me. But, when I got older they started mentioning things to me about my sexual activities. For example: a few weeks ago, I was dating a certain individual. He gave me chlamydia. We broke up before I knew I had it, but that's fairly irrelevant. However, I have a date with someone this upcoming weekend. My dad told me, when I asked if he could watch my daughter, "Be careful, we don't want anymore diseases do we?" Talk about mortified, but I deserved that. Since my parents are more concerned about my sexual activities now, I think I am less likely to do things because I fear that they will somehow find out about it. Even though I am an adult and I do not live with them, I care about what they have to say very much and I don't want to be damned for doing something that should otherwise feel natural. But I'm sure I will keep doing things, no matter how much they tell me not to or tell me to be careful.

Perhaps my body feels like it should be a sexual deviant. I had been taking birth control for two years before I got pregnant. Many women report having problems with fertility after going off birth control, but not me. I got pregnant 2 weeks after I stopped taking it. My body, I suppose, knows that sex is part of life and reproduction is natural and sex is natural. It's like programmed into my body. There's not much I can do to stop it. I can try to control it, sure, but most of the time it is it no avail.

I am most certainly predetermined to have sex. I feel like I'm making excuses as to why I'm somewhat promiscuous (not so much anymore, but I used to be) but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't need to make excuses, and I should do what feels natural to me. Society is to blame for that, I suppose. In this age, we are surrounded by sex and sexy people and things, but that the same time we are taught to believe that sex at a young age is wrong and we should not be involved with it. No wonder I feel so conflicted inside. To make matters worse, I read a book once called The Erotic Word: Sexuality, Spirituality, and the Bible. This book is about sex in the bible. Talk about conflicted. Reading things like that makes me feel weird.

What I'm trying to get at is no matter how many times I am lectured, I will still do these sexual things. I feel like I am somewhat predestined to be a sexual deviant. I have made many mistakes in terms of dating, relationships, and sexual activities, and yet I feel like I never learn from my mistakes. I just keep trying, and trying. I never get tired of it. It feels like a game to me, or something that I was meant to do. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling that one day my past is going to catch up to me and I will be damned for it.

I love being a mother for so many reasons.

Seeing Julia's face every day warms up and pretty much melts my heart on an hourly basis. Looking into her beautiful blue eyes and seeing that she knows who I am makes me feel special, like I have a purpose in life. She is an effective communicator already and she and I have a special connection that I will have with no one else.

But, her touch is what really makes me feel amazing. When I pick her up, and she leans her face against mine, I feel like she and I are the only people in the world that matter. Her warm skin fills my heart and lets me know that I am loved.

I feel like in a dark work, Julia's smile is the only thing that can light up a room. I love making her smile, and making her happy. Her smile lets me know that she is happy and I am doing all that I can to be a great mother to her. She means more to me than any man ever will or ever has, and she is number one in my life.

I can't really put into words how amazing being a mother is. You have this little person who looks up to you so much and you know that they love you unconditionally no matter what you do. It pains me to hear her crying; it saddens me when she's upset. But I know that by loving her and being there for her, she will be okay. Julia is going to be a strong woman one day and I am looking forward to the day when she accomplishes much more than I ever thought I could, because then I will be so much more proud to say that I am her mother, and I helped her through.

When I first got pregnant, I was afraid that I would not be a good mother. Sometimes I still feel that way. I am learning to be less selfish and put her before me. It's been a hard journey alone, but I am all the better for going through it. I have so much more confidence in myself as a person now because I have accomplished things because of Julia that others have not.

Julia's touch means the world to me. Knowing that I helped bring her into the world means so much to me and I am thankful and grateful that I was given her.

Alright, so thanks to a wonderful lady on my friends list, I found out that FetLife is having a wonderfully delightful giveaway. You should check it out!

Come sit on kinky Santa's lap! You could get nifty presents!